Holding My Last Breath
by PotterPerfect 07
Summary: She couldn’t tell who was crying harder at the moment-their tears were melting together on her face creating an amalgam of sorrow and hurt.An account of Morgana's last breath 'My Last Breath'Evanescence.Everything going through her mind as Merlin held her


**A/N: _SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 EPISODE 12_ **This idea came to me while i was in class. haha...and believe me, it was waayy more interesting than what we were studying. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Its a songfic to My Last breath by Evanescence. Its basically a recount of how Morgana died and everything that was going through her mind while she was suffocating. its not completely based around romance but there is definitely some in there (ArMor mostly) I cant describe it very well...so you'll have to read to find out. Its actually quite sad...so.....have fun. And don't forget to review whether you liked it or not (i dont mind some constructive criticism)

Oh and please note that the title can be used in two ways. Holding in the literal sense (like holding a puppy) , and holding as in actually holding your breath.

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**Holding My Last Breath**

"Thank you." Morgana accepted the drink from Merlin and took three long gulps. When she had finished, she placed the canteen upon the ground and continued ripping up the old shirt she was holding. She wasn't in the slightest bit sure if this plan would work and get the king safely out of the castle, but then again- did she actually want it to-

Morgana's thoughts ceased mid sentence. She froze completely- what was happening to her? Her throat began to close and her breath became short and forced. Morgana panicked and gripped her throat as though begging it to open again. Why was this happening?…..could she have…..- and then she spotted the hide canteen lying upon the ground and she understood. Merlin, her friend, her trusted confidante, her ally, had issued the fatal poison that now crept through her veins.

Merlin turned around slowly and the look on his face was frightening. He looked near death himself- paler than ever with sweat dripping down his face. He stared down at Morgana, a look of mingled pain and confusion graced his features. She didn't understand- why him- why now? Did he believe her somehow responsible for the peril befalling Camelot? Of course he did…

Merlin bent down and held out his arms for Morgana, but she lashed out at him, still suffocating slowly. Merlin warded off her flailing limbs and managed to wrap his arms around her chest. Her breaths were coming shorter now, and she began to panic. Her energy was rapidly decreasing and it was all she could do to grip Merlin tightly.

**  
hold on to me love  
you know I can't stay long  
all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid  
can you hear me?  
can you feel me in your arms?**

Morgana began to cry as the scene of utter irony played out in front of her. Merlin was holding her so tightly that Morgana wasn't sure if it was to cause her to die faster, or to protect her from slipping away. To cause her to asphyxiate further, or because he truly did care about her. She didn't know how much longer she had left. Gasping and choking, she thought of Arthur. What would he say if he saw her like this? What would he do to Merlin? As the image of Arthur presented its self to her, she began to cry harder. What she wouldn't do for one last look at him. One last kiss. She loved him- despite his overbearing and naive father. Despite all he was raised to be and to believe, Morgana loved him. And he had loved her, at a time- before she had become completely enthralled with bringing about the destruction of Uther and his reign- before she had changed and allowed darkness to manipulate her.

It was not until her breaths became so shallow and she was sure she would not last a second longer, did Morgana think of Death. Was she afraid of Death? Not necessarily. She was terrified at the moment though- terrified of what would happen if she did die, what would happen to the people she loved, terrified of what she would miss. It could not be denied that Morgana was too young to die. But was she afraid of Death its self? Not exactly. It would, undoubtedly put an end to all of her suffering, confusion and pain. She would never be lonely again.

Morgana was brought back to Earth by a drop of liquid falling on her forehead. She looked up to see Merlin, staring upward, tears staining his face. She wanted to call out, to scream to him, beg him to stop. She wanted to ask him why. But she could not make a sound other than her breathing which was the only thing she could hear, panicky and short. She knew she didn't have much more than a minute to live. She began to cry with abandon.

**holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight**

**I'll miss the winter  
a world of fragile things  
look for me in the white forest  
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)  
I know you hear me  
I can taste it in your tears**

She knew she was going to die- she was beyond accepting it. She had nothing to do but wait. She saw flashes of her life play themselves behind her closed eyelids.  
_...She was eight, running through a field of lillies, being chased by Gwen and laughing merrily. __She was ten and she had just fallen off of her horse and landed on her backside in front of all Uther's knights- and Arthur, who was laughing at her fit to burst and pointing his finger. She was fourteen and she was at one of Uther's grand balls, watching Arthur dancing with the crown princess of Dragor, jealousy rising in her like bile. She was seventeen, having a heated row with Uther concerning her refusal to allow him to hang a man for being found in her bedchambers unsupervised and passed curfew. She was eighteen and Arthur was kissing her passionately under a willow tree next to a blue lake just outside Camelot. He tucked a stray lock of raven hair behind her ear before whispering to her that he loved her. She was nineteen and sitting alone on her bed, blood pouring from her forearm, causing the white sheets to turn crimson. She tucked the knife under her pillow and cried her self to sleep. It was about a month ago, and she was walking serenely through a field, snow falling gently from the sky, collecting on the ground and treetops, her royal blur cloak trailing on the snow covered earth. Morgana had always loved the winter- she felt a connection to it for some reason. It was mysterious, fragile, striking, beautiful, and dangerous. _

She knew her last breath was coming and she wasn't making it any easier. Trying her hardest to squeeze on last whiff of oxygen into her lungs, her thoughts turned to Merlin. She couldn't tell who was crying harder at the moment- their tears were melting together on her face, creating an amalgam of sorrow and hurt.

_  
_**holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you**

**sweet raptured light it ends here tonight**

She couldn't breathe, she was terrified out of her mind, and she felt confused, betrayed and hurt all at the same time. Merlin was holding her so tightly. There was a time when she had considered him as a potential lover- when they had been raising the druid boy. She had just come out of a huge fight with Arthur and was contemplating someone softer, more caring and compassionate- someone without the burden of an entire Kingdom to help run. But now…now…..she didn't even know what to think of him. Oh how she wanted to see Arthur again. One last time.

**closing your eyes to disappear  
you pray your dreams will leave you here  
but still you wake and know the truth  
no one's there**

She couldn't think rationally anymore. The lack of oxygen was starting to affect her brain. She felt her eyes closing and silently prayed for death to come, quickly and painlessly. Death would be nothing to the thoughts that had so recently been swimming through her head, to the problem of her wavering loyalty to Uther, to her desire for Arthur to be there with her as she died.

**say goodnight  
don't be afraid  
calling me calling me as you fade to black**

Morgana tried one last attempt to call out, to make some sort of noise other than the pained sounds of her desperate struggle to cling to life's last ropes. To call out for Arthur, because even if she knew his help was far gone, she still wanted him to know the truth. To know exactly how she had died. She could not longer see- her eyes were shut so tightly. The last thing she remembered seeing was the little flask of poison on the floor before even the images on the back of her eyelids stopped appearing. The blackness began to engulf her. She was no longer afraid. She was ready.

**holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight**

One….two…..three. She took her last breath, and lay still in Merlin's arms, never to grace the world of the living again.

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**A/N:** Well…I hope you liked it! And yes, I'm completely aware that Morgana might not be dead, but it made for a better story. Please Review…it would make me so happy. Oh and let me know whether or not you think Morgana will return in season 3. Thannkkss!! -AT


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